Being last (certain parts may be NSFW)
  • The+Dunwich+HorrorThe Dunwich Horror February 20
    Posts: 6,863
    There is always a last post in this thread.
  • Bryce February 20
    Posts: 3,522
    and there always has been
  • The+Dunwich+HorrorThe Dunwich Horror February 20
    Posts: 6,863
    http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2834527&pagenumber=1&perpage=40#post343451194

    What's your worst experience with role-playing?

    Jessi, the apocolyptic treewhore and fledgling succubus
    About four years ago I moved across country and moved in with an old friend of mine who needed a roommate here in Virginia. I liked it so I stuck around. My roommate, who I'll call Joe because I don't want him to get angry for using his real name, had an INTERNET GIRLFRIEND whom I'll call Jessi because that's her fuckin' name, the fuckin' psycho bitchwhore.

    Anyway, after I lived with Joe about a year, Jessi came down and visited us. Whoa boy she was completely unlike anything I'd ever pictured for Joe. But hey! She liked D&D and sat in a few session with my RL group. She played a normal, interesting character. Her first, and only, normal character.

    A while later, he went and visited her. And a while after that she moved from Wisconsinland, home of cheeseballs and moo-cows, and moved in with us.

    She promptly joined in the game I was DMing. She wanted to play an Entwife, because this was when LotR was big in theaters and people were like OMG FIVE HOUR EXTENDED DVD EDITION WOWZA! For you heathens who don't know Tolkein, Entwives are like Ents, but female, and Ents are like gigantic big fucking talking intelligent trees.

    I honestly didn't care, and there was a Savage Species entry for Treant, the D&D version of an Ent.

    By this time, most of us knew Jessi was a complete and utter whore, except Joe, who doesn't play D&D and doesn't really count because of that. So here we are, playing some nerdy game focused on getting the PCs stuck in a war between heaven and hell, letting them choose their sides as spells fly by and NPCs lie, cheat, and beg for money. She's also cheating on Joe with another member of the group, but I didn't know till later.

    So, of course, what's an entwife to do?

    "I want to get pollinated," intones Jessi with a perfectly straight face. "It's springtime, high mating season for us ents."

    I just stare at her. "Uh, pollinated? Sure...there's some bees in the field. You get pollinated while you're walking towards Haven." The others look grateful and go back to stacking dice and eating cheetos.

    "What, just like that? You're not going to DESCRIBE it? What kind of DM are you? And who said we're going to Haven? You're railroading me!" She begins ranting and raving about how I'm a terrible DM. True or not, you don't just say it like that. It's not polite. And no one wants to pollinate a rude treant.

    Now everyone is giving me a look. You know, the LOOK. The one where everyone is thinking "What the christ is going on and why aren't you stopping this?"

    "Jessi, calm down. You're going to haven because, uh, everyone just spent the last half hour and decided that was the best place to go, since your hometown got burned down. And no, I'm not going to describe pollination in detail. I'm not a fucking entomoligist."

    Jessi quiets down, and the game continues. Several sessions later, the incident forgotten, the group is walking cross country. Everything is going well. The sky is blue, the orcs are dead, and the tree is humping a sunflower.

    Wait a minute.

    "Jessi did you just say you're going to go hump a sunflower?"

    "Yes. I still want to get pollinated."

    "Oh for christ sakes we already went over this! Besides, there's no bees here."

    "There's always bees where there are flowers."

    And so begins an arguement that derails the game for about an hour. Eventually, I snap. "You want bees? You want fucking bees? Here ya go! Roll initiatve!"

    And this would end the tail of Jessi the treewhore, since a quintet of collosal monsterous bees attacked and destroyed the treant.

    A few days later, Joe finially figures out that she's been cheating on him for quite some time, and kicks her out. We all cheer, even the guy in the group she'd been banging in her spare time, and throw a party.

    A few days after that, she shows up to the D&D game with a character sheet. She's playing a succubus this time, right? Wrong!

    Ten minutes, two phone calls, and a trio of cops later, our fledgling succubus is being escorted off the property, never to return. I still see her occasionally, since she's been unable to convince anyone else on the internet that she's worth moving cross country, and I always think of her treewhore when I do.


  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 21
    Posts: 5,752
     
  • The+Dunwich+HorrorThe Dunwich Horror February 21
    Posts: 6,863
    http://teapartyjesus.tumblr.com/

    image

    image


    edit: Adam, I will allow it.
    (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

  • AdamAdam February 21
    Posts: 1,374
    ^wut

    I found out Blade Runner was on TV, but by the time I changed the channel it was over.  For this injustice I think I deserve to win for a bit.
  • TomTom February 21
    Posts: 1,869
    I'll let you win for now, and you can borrow my dvd
  • %28the%29Zulu(the)Zulu February 21
    Posts: 1,696
    There is no 14th month.
  • The+Cheshire+CatThe Cheshire Cat February 21
    Posts: 3,693
    lost is an awesome show if you skip the first 2 seasons. Why did you not like the finale?
  • creedcreed February 21
    Posts: 2,201
    easy guys, last is all i'm concerned with right now
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 21
    Posts: 5,752
    competitions been hot lately. but ya'll niggaz know that i'm the real winner round here.
  • The+Dunwich+HorrorThe Dunwich Horror February 21
    Posts: 6,863

    lost is an awesome show if you skip the first 2 seasons. Why did you not like the finale?



    Any show where you have to skip the first two seasons is shit.
  • BlazeBlaze February 21
    Posts: 3,232
    I will be up and waiting for my flight until 6am.

    The winning is on.
  • Bryce February 21
    Posts: 3,522
    in
  • shoshoneshoshone February 21
    Posts: 1,279
    So it turns out I'll be getting a tax refund, lol.
  • BlazeBlaze February 22
    Posts: 3,232
    Me too.

    ...lol?
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 22
    Posts: 5,752
    same.
  • The+Dunwich+HorrorThe Dunwich Horror February 22
    Posts: 6,863
    Who taxes the taxmen?
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 22
    Posts: 5,752
    good question.
  • BlazeBlaze February 22
    Posts: 3,232
    I've been trying to get my e-ticket to work on my goddam ipod for 2 goddam hours.
  • Bryce February 22
    Posts: 3,522
    looks like you're on the plane now!
  • shoshoneshoshone February 22
    Posts: 1,279
    Considering I made a laughable amount in my part-time job, I find it hilarious.
  • Cazb0tCazb0t February 22
    Posts: 1,439
    Who faxes the faxmen?
  • %28the%29Zulu(the)Zulu February 22
    Posts: 1,696
    the taxmen tax the taxmen. same for the faxmen.
  • The+Dunwich+HorrorThe Dunwich Horror February 22
    Posts: 6,863
    shoshone said:

    Considering I made a laughable amount in my part-time job, I find it hilarious.



    If you haven't worked much in the financial year, you are likely to get a good tax return because the time you did work would have been over-taxed.  If you earn less money you get taxed less.
  • Bryce February 22
    Posts: 3,522
    i dread doing my taxes. it's been on every to-do list i've made this year.
  • Bryce February 22
    Posts: 3,522
    also I tripled my 2010 income in 2011. and I've tripled my 2011 income going into 2012.
  • %28the%29Zulu(the)Zulu February 22
    Posts: 1,696
    Teaching japanese people to speak english---Strawberry Farmer---Oil Baron type person---???
  • Cazb0tCazb0t February 22
    Posts: 1,439
    Bryce said:

    also I tripled my 2010 income in 2011. and I've tripled my 2011 income going into 2012.



    bryce is cubert
  • Bryce February 22
    Posts: 3,522
    if you go that far back, I... uh... multiplied my income by .12, then by 3, and 3.
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 23
    Posts: 5,752
    last
  • hfswjyrhfswjyr February 23
    Posts: 3,317
    what's that sound?

    oh it's bryce's money falling from the sky.
  • BlazeBlaze February 23
    Posts: 3,232
    It's scary to look at this website when in public airports or libraries.
  • Bryce February 23
    Posts: 3,522
    we should really just make this a private forum
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 23
    Posts: 5,752
    for me. because i'm the winner.
  • Bryce February 24
    Posts: 3,522
    i could get down with that
  • Bryce February 24
    Posts: 3,522
    right here
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 24
    Posts: 5,752
    seen
  • hfswjyrhfswjyr February 24
    Posts: 3,317
    sup, losers
  • Eterna1Eterna1 February 24
    Posts: 2,562
    heyyyy now now now
  • Cazb0tCazb0t February 24
    Posts: 1,439
    post in this thread if you have tiny weiner
  • %28the%29Zulu(the)Zulu February 24
    Posts: 1,696
    That's not how you play the game Caz

    EDIT: plus I think Lemon, FAT and you have already posted in this thread.
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 24
    Posts: 5,752
    Post in this thread if you like penis.
  • Eterna1Eterna1 February 24
    Posts: 2,562
    what if i dont like penis and i still post in this thread?
  • Eterna1Eterna1 February 24
    Posts: 2,562
    and what if i like penis? 
  • TheMightyPeonTheMightyPeon February 24
    Posts: 5,752
    Nothing wrong with that. I love penis. My own.
  • shoshoneshoshone February 24
    Posts: 1,279
    Over 9000 penises
  • Bryce February 24
    Posts: 3,522
    lemon and fat are way too practical to play this game.
  • Bryce February 24
    Posts: 3,522
    this thread is officially NO CHIX

    until one of our two posts here.
  • Bryce February 24
    Posts: 3,522
    Or until cat posts here.

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